Social & Spiritual

The loss of a person close to you will inevitably change your life; the closer you were to the person, the greater the change will be. If it should be your spouse or partner that has died then your loss is likely to be the most profound.

There is no quick fix and your bereavement is likely to be extremely painful and at times difficult to bear. If you wish to, please refer to our pages under Help and Advice where this is discussed in more detail.

The purpose of this page is to provide bereaved people with the tools they need to help them find their way in their new life without the person who has died. This entails where to find new outlets for your time socially, as well as how to try to manage and learn more about your bereavement and to focus it constructively.

Quite often, the spouse or partner of the deceased will have spent long periods caring for him/her prior to the death. This may well have caused a degree of withdrawal from social life and even to some degree, neglecting their own wellbeing. Here we offer suggestions, events and contacts that may help you correct this for the future.

To follow is a list of the support events we arrange along with a description of what you may expect from them. The actual dates of the events can be found in the Event Calendar. There is also a list of the partners that we work with who are able to offer social support and assistance.

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The loss of a husband, wife or any long-term partner will cause enormous upheaval; it is likely to be the most turbulent period of a person’s life. Not only is there the emotional distress (the grief) but the surviving partner’s life will change socially and in many practical ways. It is perfectly reasonably to consider that the surviving partner will need to learn a new life. Nobody can take away the grief; it is the price we pay for loving another person but we can help to provide people with the tools they need to move forward towards meaningful and rewarding life beyond the death of a partner.

We arrange lunches throughout the year at locations around east Dorset and west Hampshire. The lunches are for people that have been widowed (or similar) in the two years leading up to the lunch although this is not a strict limitation of time as every person is different and works their way through bereavement in an individual manner. There are two main purposes for the lunches: social and practical. Following losing a spouse or partner a person’s social world will inevitably change and new opportunities are often needed. There is nobody else who understands your bereavement quite like another person who is in a similar situation. Similarly, there is nobody that can instil greater confidence in your own future than a person who is some time ahead and successfully moving on. For practical assistance we arrange speakers of topical interest – among many other topics, this may be about protecting yourself against crime or whether it is important to make or update a Will. We also have speakers on matters of interest or possible activity such as art, flower arranging and local history.

The lunches are always free of charge because we appreciate some who are recently bereaved will be on a tight budget and the lunches must be all-inclusive. The lunches are very popular and the main-stay of our bereavement support; there are often around 50 widows and widowers attending and the feedback we receive suggests the events help those attending to find new social interaction and ways forward in the early weeks and months of their bereavement.

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These are usually held on, or close to, festival days and provide an opportunity to focus positively on the memory of the person who died rather than dwelling negatively upon what might otherwise have been. For instance, if it is Mother’s Day and your wife, mother, grandmother or even just a matriarchal figure within the family has died over the last year or so, it would be difficult not to feel sadness and loss on such a profound day. Suffering this in silence is not the solution.

Our remembrance services celebrate the relationship (in this analogy motherhood) and remember by name those who are being mourned by those attending. Often there is an opportunity to write a private message on a memory card and sometimes volunteers will read during the service.

While following a simple Christian format, the religion is low-key, with the main focus on positive memories. Light refreshments always follow the services with an opportunity for those present to socialise with other families who find themselves in very similar situations. These events are free of charge.

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Our resident minister John hosts these events in small intimate groups of perhaps 10 to 20 people. Deliberately there is no set structure to the meeting, which usually lasts for a couple of hours. John starts and promotes discussion and activities but those present are encouraged to get involved in order to make the most of the opportunity these events present. 

It is common that those attending have a range of relationships to the person who has died. Among the attendees there is also a range of time that has passed since the death of their loved one occurred.

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As a complementary addition to the resources already provided by Outlook, walking is an activity that is both social and good for your health. 

Tapper Funeral Service are teaming up with Forest Holme of Poole to provide regular, monthly walks. Via Outlook Bereavement Support, we will be sponsoring the walking group for 2013, during which 12 monthly walks will be laid on. Each walk will be announced in detail some time in advance and the headlines of all walks will be listed on our Events Calendar.

Some walks are short and on the flat; others are longer and more challenging; there is something for everyone who is reasonably mobile. Common to all of the walks is that professional guide David Knox plans and advertises the route well in advance, ensures all safety concerns have been taken care of, researches the places of interest on route and plans a tea-room or similar for refreshments afterwards.

These walking events will be free of charge to anyone person who is bereaved but for organisational reasons David needs to know in advance who is attending. Please feel free to contact us to express your interest.
(01202 339099 or e: steven.tapper@tapperfuneralservice.co.uk)

 

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We offer a variety of events on an occasional basis, ranging from a summer picnic with music to tea dances to coach trips for days out. These events are purely social with the principal aim of providing opportunities for those who are bereaved to engage in rewarding and social activity. While all events are subsidised by sponsorship, there is a charge for some.

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  • Gad-about tours
    Gad-a-bouts Travel club was established in 2002, and is a local travel club based in Broadstone. The club enables members to enjoy a range of super weekends, holidays and days out; mix with people of similar ages and like-minded interests and helps single people to make new friends and acquaintances. All excursions are on coaches hired from reputable local companies and collect from a number of locations. In addition, Gad-a-bouts meets once a month at the Conservative Club in Tudor Road, Broadstone, so that members can have a chat and a coffee and catch up on what the club is doing, and book and pay for trips. Membership in 2013 will be £12 this is an annual membership and can include up to 4 adults and any children (up to 16 years) per address. Please contact Elaine Middlehurst on 01202 640103 for further details.

 

  • Dolphin Indoor Bowls Club
    Tapper Funeral Service provides some sponsorship to Dolphin Indoor Bowling Club in Fleetsbridge, Poole and due to this partnership, we are able to offer a personal introduction and guided tour to anyone who has recently been bereaved. We recommend this club as somewhere to consider for a new social environment and for active leisure pursuits. Being one of the largest bowling clubs in the country, it has a busy social agenda and a complete mixture of sporting abilities. It is conveniently located for access from Poole, Purbeck and from the west of Bournemouth. It has a large car park in its own grounds. Anyone who is interested in becoming a member and perhaps taking up the sport as a complete novice will be made very welcome by the President Bob Plasted and Chairman Dave Porter both of whom are keen to provide a personal tour to our guests. Anyone who is interested may contact us for more information or of course may contact Dolphin directly, see: http://www.dolphinindoorbowlsclub.com/ or call 01202 675551.
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